OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
