I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
