Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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