Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
