final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
They are going to name an STD after you.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
