Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
