my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Randomize
