what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
