It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
