It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
