I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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