Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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