So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
