Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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