what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
