would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
All the doctor said was why
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
