I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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