Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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