From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
