Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize