I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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