at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
