Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
where am i from again
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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