i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
