Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I think my moral compass just broke
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
