You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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