woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
