Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
