You made me cry and you don't even care
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
