I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
