Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
