mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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