I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize