Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
