K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
