At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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