I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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