if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
