Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
