Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
