It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
