apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize