Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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