Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
