I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
