I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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