Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
