The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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