Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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