Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize