my being single is dangerous.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
