Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
