So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
