She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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