Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
