Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
