you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
