you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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