One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize