I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
