And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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