So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
