I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
