Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
