I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
