You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
