drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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