her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
soo... how was my night?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
