She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
