I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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