he puts the penis in happiness.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
