do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
