Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
