I accidentally had phone sex last night
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
