thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
